So I’m sat in a bar at a Conference, drinking a few beers and a Guy walks up to me a says “are you DaveN ?”, so I reply “yep that’s me pull up a chair”

No sooner than the guy sits down he says “Do you do Viagra?”,

at little taken aback I say “YES, but for only one company”,

Him : But you do Viagra?

Me : Yes I do Viagra, why?

Him : Well we ship in the US

ME : for Viagra I only work for 1 company

Him : But if you do Viagra, why not do my Viagra?

ME (getting a little annoyed) I only do Genuine Viagra for people I trust

Him : You can trust me my Viagra is Genuine Viagra

ME : seriously I only do Viagra in the UK

Him : well if you change your mind, find me ..

Me : Ok ..

A few more beers and a poker game later I’m telling the story to a friend and the guy walks over to him and says “Do you do Viagra? ”, my friend laughs and says “NO!! Dave does though” hahaha.. I’m like, dude .. that’s the guy that was Pestering me .. So my friend says “Maybe you just look like a guy that TAKES Viagra!!”, we laughed, we drank more and I head off to bed .. the next morning I wake up and my phone in my room is flashing .. It’s the front desk.. saying that a package was waiting from me, Now I knew that a friend was leaving me a T-shirt so I thought nothing about it … I head off for breakfast and stop off at the front desk, “Hi it’s Dave Naylor, room 1434, you have a package for me” The young lady looks at me, smiles and walks off to another young lady, they chat both look over at me and pull out a package … its only 4 x 100mg Viagra Tablets.. I’m like “No, mine’s a T-shirt” … the girl just smiles and says SURE!
So the Moral of the story is if someone says do you do Viagra, Just SAY NO !!
At least my wife found it funny when I got home .. BTW I still have the Viagra IF anyone does VIAGRA !! lol

DaveN

Ok … At New York SES at the end of Feb 2006, Greg Boser (Monkey Boy AKA Chicken Boy) and Me (DaveN the Beer Machine) were supposed to have had a Vodka Competition. Well where do I start…. in a little Irish Bar in NYC, I sat with Matt Cutts and Greg chatting about the Search, Life and Vodka, So I started to bait Greg a little .. he was still adamant that he could beat ME.. HAHAHAHAHA

Let’s go back in time … in Orlando 2004, PubCon in the crappiest hotel ( Motel ) I have ever stayed in, me and Greg actually went toe to toe.. (yes we did ) .. but then there was two major happenings that evening, the first was I got chatting to a young lady .. lol ( 2Much ) about SEO, and Boser sneaked .. YES sneaked into the lead by having a quick beer without telling me… actually I never saw him get the extra Beer but I will say one thing Greg is honest so I never questioned this and still don’t today .. Anyway the night went on and the beer flowed one by one toe to toe .. Me and Greg couldn’t by separated .. then disaster struck the frickin bar closed .. ( lucky call for Boser, as he was wrecked and really pissed). If you ever see Greg really pissed, he walks in a very straight CURVE.. so as Greg curved off … I was still calling foul… there had to be more beer … I ran to the Fountain .. ( yes fountain ) jumped on the side .. to start shouting yet again … and then a beam of light fell from the sky hitting the fountain I was stood on …Holy Shit someone had left a six pack of Beer in the water … it was a sign … a Really good sign in fact, so like a gazelle I leapt off the side of the fountain and grabbed the beer and shouted “Gregggggg I found Beeeerrrrrrrr” .. but Greg to my surprise just waved and curved into a wall then a pillar and another wall, knocked into the Golf cart that had been crashed into another pillar earlier that evening, and disappeared .. wow he was drunk .. hehehe ..  well I didn’t have to share the Beer I guessed so I drank that and went to bed … for 12 minutes… then got up showered and did my presentation … Greg slept till 1.30pm the next afternoon.

Back to almost the future … SES Chicago, December 2005.. Greg brought up the drinking Competition again like how he won … grrrrrrrrrrrrrreg  .. anyway the upshot was that we would go toe to toe again .. Maybe later that week or at the Next conference in NYC.. speaking gigs come first these days .. ( way to go Danny, He’s like mine and Gregs Dad .. joke ) so NYC it was.

Back to the Irish Bar … So we are telling Matt all about the Competition and How Dax is going to be the judge etc etc .. GoodRoi said tomorrow, I said Yes, Greg said Yes .. Matt said I want to be judge .. but lets make it interesting .. the loser has to give up a site .. WOW so me and Greg have a quick Vodka … Matt shouts “Quoff it” .. ( He is so English these days lol ) (Quoff means Drink , Fancy going t’pub and quoffing some ale?) So I down mine, Greg starts Bitching about that’s not how you drink Vodka … you do in the UK hehe, so off we go back to the Hotel, GoodROI says tomorrow, I say yes, Matt says yes .. Greg Curved into a closed door, then a wall which we all took as a yes.. we get to the lifts and Matt is on  floor 18, Greg on 22, I was on the 18000 floor or something like that, so we all three get into the lift … Now in the Hilton NYC there are two sets of lifts, one that stopped at mine and Matts floor, the other that Greg should have got into .. hehe .. after stopping at Matts floor, me and Greg continue our journey .. we get to the top and Greg now looking out of just one eye.. (never a good sign) says “I‘ll go back to the Lobby and get the right elevator”, that stopped me in my tracks .. I turned quickly, jumped back inside and press every button, smile and leave Greg stood in the bright red glow of every elevator button smiling back at him ..:)

The next Day I get up, go for breakfast and see GoodROI, with YES 2 bottles of Vodka, he says still on for later, and I’m like hell yer !! but where is Greg.. I mean it’s like 8:30 in the morning, he should be up.. by now.. but NO NO NO Greg gets up at 3:30pm ish hehehe with a head like a truck had run over… and then decided to avoid GoodROI and The Vodka all Day and night … In fact Greg couldn’t face me in a Vodka Toe to Toe.. so what next Greggy Baby ..  A Tea and Biscuit Competition ??

DaveN

People have said a lot of things in the past few weeks about a certain competition V7N , So I jumped in with both feet, why people will ask, to be honest because I was bored. Remember I had a go at Jason Calcanis, and Blog Herald jumped all over me .. lol not Jason hmm

Well I had a go at John Scott recently mainly because I felt that he was having a pop at Mike Grehan, well I think those two have kissed and made up now so I’m not going into the details..

So why am I posting this .. dead easy, FlameWars can and do get you links. Ok the Flamewars rules :

a) Pick your fighting ground
Example Threadwatch, Notice Seobook is just pointing out a writeup on SeoBuzzBox, Ok Threadwatch is one of playing grounds like V7N, so if you’re going to pick a fight pick a ground you feel comfortable with.

b) Get in quick and straight to the point !
OK I knew that telling John to suck my dick would make him rise to the bait … well it had to really, lol. Also notice the “officially NOT on the fence so you better pick a side” to seobook .. chances are Aaron wall won’t bite back at me ..(phew He didn’t) but someone would have to back him up, hopefully John Scott’s Troll

c) The response
John Scott returns his volley, it’s a very good return, and I would have been done and walked away. I knew that people would post the calm down or stop being childish etc threads, but John made a schoolboy error he posted a controversial image of a disabled child ! ( now in his playing ground that might have been acceptable but not here .. oops )

d) Sit back
The community should now attack or walk away, top tip… you do the same lol (notice half way down John Scott post

e) Wait and wait some more ..
BINGO the target .. yes a Flamewar should always target someone who is defending someone else. Mike Dammann steps up .. thank you lord a fool

Mike Dammann’s Post :
looking at people like DaveN and Mike Grehan and their lack of class and manners. So should everyone in this industry be.

Class and manners… ok, Mike Grehan has these, so he may feel offended but not me

I find it surprising that anyone would want to associate himself with such individuals. That speaks very poorly of our industry as a whole that anyone that low could be accepted as equals within our community.

LOL I’m a Blackhat Seo. I work in Casinos, Pills, Loans, and the Affiliate marketplace, Notice the Naked Bull Riding !! (added for my whitehat corp clients, I still love you guys too)

Those 2 are yes men and what DaveN has suggested for John Scott to do to him … wouldn’t be a surprise to me if that is how Mike and Dave have gotten your foot into the door somehow.

YES men HAHAHAHA, that’s too funny I nearly pissed myself , you see Mr Damman, you have the good and you have the evil, we are not the same by a long shot, I mud wrestle in the serps , while Mike swims in champagne, both top of our Game, just different games lol

Aaron doesn’t have to pick any side, Dave. You don’t get it. He is not on your level, he’s intelligent enough to understand seo without sucking up to anyone, and he is mature enough to choose his battles well and not fall into the herd mentality.

Yep, I agree I threw the Aaron bit in to find my Troll

But then again, if it wasn’t for following someone, you and Mike Grehan would be working at McDonalds or cleaning trainstation bathrooms together

Lol that’s too funny as well, I have worked at a Happy Eater (they are like McDonald’s but on our motorways), while I was saving up to go to college to learn how to programme which was kind of a big step because none of my friends or family were into computers, so that kind of rules out the bit about having to follow someone.

I have no problems of you bad mouthing me and you linking to my site, after all you’re a fucking nobody, but isn’t that part of the game, but please get some facts right .

I have been married twice, but never walk out on my family
I do live in a half a million pound house and have never lived in my car
I always pay my way and never free load or sneak into places
I have rode a bull naked (well with my boxers still on!)
And the ONLY competition I will be entering is the Greg and DaveN Vodka challenge, But again thanks for the Links

DaveN

Ok, me and some of my friends, get some real bad press in certain Forums, and why, because we are BIG TIME SPAMMERS. Well I thought maybe we are evil, maybe we do paint ourselves blue and dance around a fire whilst whipping ourselves with stinging nettles, while chanting to the evil over lords ( you know there’s a cartoon for that ! )…

Then I thought bullshit .. all we do is make websites rank in the top ten across all the search engines.. so, what’s so bad about that , yer we cloak, yer we rank for odd keyword combos and YES YES YES we break the SE rules but we run the risk not you !!.. anyway after hearing Danny Sullivan Sing on WebmasterRadio, I thought Damn he is GOOD, I wonder if I wrote the Lyrics he could sing it, So because I’m a so called Big Bad Spammer I just took an original song and rewrote it .. Hey Danny what do you say ??
Coughing, blues? : GU–don’t touch me there!
GU: I’m gonna tell you who we are.

Well we’re Big Time Spammers
We got golden Hammers
And we’re loved everywhere we go
(that sounds like us)

We spam about beauty
And we spam about truth
At ten million dollars a show
(yeah, right!)

We sell all kinda pills
That give us all kinda thrills
But the thrill you’ll never known
Is the thrill that it gets ya
When you get your picture
On the cover of the Doug Heil Show

Chorus:

Doug Heil Show
I’m gonna see my picture on the cover
Gonna Spam five copies for my mother
Gonna see my smiling face
On the cover of the Doug Heil Show

Now it’s all designed to blow our minds,
But our minds won’t really be blown
Like the blow that’ll getcha
When you get your picture
On the cover of the rolling stone

Spoken: hey, I know how!!!
Solo
Spoken: beautiful!

We gotta lot of little teen-aged
Blue-eyed groupies
Who do anything we say
We got a genuine indian spammer
He’s buying links the better way

We got all the friends that money can buy,
So we never have to be alone
And we keep gettin’ richer,
But we can’t get our picture
On the cover of the Doug Heil show

Talking:
I don’t know why we ain’t on the cover, baby!
Ah we’re beautiful fellas!
I ain’t kiddin’ you man, we’d make a beautiful cover
I mean, I can see it right now–we be up front,
Oh, we be smilin’….beautiful!

Ok lets get this on a roll, If I’m going to take the piss out of the Search Industry I might as well, start with ME !!

Well while out drinking with Lex, Oilman and Chad, we ended up in The Only Bar in New Orleans which had a Mechanical Bull.. Hell yer !!

Anyway I was challenged to ride the bull and drunkenly accepted. So as Lex goes to ask the dude how much for a ride, I downed my beer ( Idea being that the drunker you are the braver you are, therefore I would do amazing stunts on the bull and impress everyone !! )..
So as I approach Lex, while she is bartering the price for 3 of us ( Oilman was chicken, and Chad hadn’t quite caught up from dinner yet), The DUDE SAID and the words still ring strong in my ears, it’s 10 Bucks a go or FREE if you do it in your underwear. In a flash I was stood in my Boxer shorts, the challenge had just got much more interesting… seeming how Lex would not get naked with US .. she had to forfeit the challenge ( good friggin job too, she hung on like a monkey in heat) .. and would have easily won ..

So armed with my boxer shorts and a smile, I slowly walked to the bull. Thoughts of how I could enter the Hall of Fame, Seo’s would talk about how great DaveN rode the N.O. BULL .. Ok in my Mind I had a Plan , I had seen it on TV, Climb ON … Get your balance, one arm in the air, hold on, and give the go ahead to start your Ride of Fame. The Bull moves forward you lean back, the Bull moves back you lean forward.. After a minute you find yourself shouting yeeehaw or YahoooooOOooooo! in my case ..

Well that was the plan, what actually happened was I stumbled forward and climbed onto the Bull (actually they are big in real life), Ok I think .. then shit.. oh shit .. fuck fuck fuck .. Now the dude is asking me “you ok !!” , I squeeze my legs around the Bull, raise One arm , squeeze legs tighter and tighter, I look the dude square in the eyes and say Hell yer , ..

This is it, my 5 minutes of fame.. The Bull Slowly moves forward.. I lean back … good I Think … and then for fucks sake, The Bull dips to the right then raises it’s great plastic head, by this time (2 seconds in) .. Both my arms are wrapped around the Bulls neck, my legs are holding on so tight my toes are Blue.. Then the bull throws itself into a suicide head first drive..

I feel like I’m floating.. Then the pain of the leather rushing past my naked inner thighs and the crunch of the plastic bulls head as I crashed my nuts into it was all I could take.. Then it was over 3 maybe 4 seconds.. It took me longer to get on to my feet than I stayed on the bull. Now in pain and feeling down, the Bull Riding Dude turned to me and said … and this will stay with me even longer than the 10 bucks or naked thing…

He actually said .. “Dude, you know you have 2 go ’s” … holy shit, how lucky was that, I would get a chance to fulfil my dream of been on the Seo wall of fame, the pain disappeared (*could have been drink) I climbed onto the bull … well that’s for another DAY ..

A question that we are always trying to answer in our everyday lives in the SEO game. I will be featuring our much loved search reps as they are a key part to the industry goings on and I would love to have them bringing their views to this blog. I hope they like their Mini Me’s. For those that are not familiar with the Search reps… we have from left to right: Little Timmie, Big Paul and Wee Mattie. Not sure who the dude in the background is ..lol
hmmm, will they Love it or Hate it …. only time will tell

I would welcome any comments or suggestions of stories to cover but you will have to bear with me to give me a bit of time to create my team of chararcters!