Ok lets get this on a roll, If I’m going to take the piss out of the Search Industry I might as well, start with ME !!

Well while out drinking with Lex, Oilman and Chad, we ended up in The Only Bar in New Orleans which had a Mechanical Bull.. Hell yer !!

Anyway I was challenged to ride the bull and drunkenly accepted. So as Lex goes to ask the dude how much for a ride, I downed my beer ( Idea being that the drunker you are the braver you are, therefore I would do amazing stunts on the bull and impress everyone !! )..
So as I approach Lex, while she is bartering the price for 3 of us ( Oilman was chicken, and Chad hadn’t quite caught up from dinner yet), The DUDE SAID and the words still ring strong in my ears, it’s 10 Bucks a go or FREE if you do it in your underwear. In a flash I was stood in my Boxer shorts, the challenge had just got much more interesting… seeming how Lex would not get naked with US .. she had to forfeit the challenge ( good friggin job too, she hung on like a monkey in heat) .. and would have easily won ..

So armed with my boxer shorts and a smile, I slowly walked to the bull. Thoughts of how I could enter the Hall of Fame, Seo’s would talk about how great DaveN rode the N.O. BULL .. Ok in my Mind I had a Plan , I had seen it on TV, Climb ON … Get your balance, one arm in the air, hold on, and give the go ahead to start your Ride of Fame. The Bull moves forward you lean back, the Bull moves back you lean forward.. After a minute you find yourself shouting yeeehaw or YahoooooOOooooo! in my case ..

Well that was the plan, what actually happened was I stumbled forward and climbed onto the Bull (actually they are big in real life), Ok I think .. then shit.. oh shit .. fuck fuck fuck .. Now the dude is asking me “you ok !!” , I squeeze my legs around the Bull, raise One arm , squeeze legs tighter and tighter, I look the dude square in the eyes and say Hell yer , ..

This is it, my 5 minutes of fame.. The Bull Slowly moves forward.. I lean back … good I Think … and then for fucks sake, The Bull dips to the right then raises it’s great plastic head, by this time (2 seconds in) .. Both my arms are wrapped around the Bulls neck, my legs are holding on so tight my toes are Blue.. Then the bull throws itself into a suicide head first drive..

I feel like I’m floating.. Then the pain of the leather rushing past my naked inner thighs and the crunch of the plastic bulls head as I crashed my nuts into it was all I could take.. Then it was over 3 maybe 4 seconds.. It took me longer to get on to my feet than I stayed on the bull. Now in pain and feeling down, the Bull Riding Dude turned to me and said … and this will stay with me even longer than the 10 bucks or naked thing…

He actually said .. “Dude, you know you have 2 go ’s” … holy shit, how lucky was that, I would get a chance to fulfil my dream of been on the Seo wall of fame, the pain disappeared (*could have been drink) I climbed onto the bull … well that’s for another DAY ..