Dave Naylor – SE Ops

Ok, me and some of my friends, get some real bad press in certain Forums, and why, because we are BIG TIME SPAMMERS. Well I thought maybe we are evil, maybe we do paint ourselves blue and dance around a fire whilst whipping ourselves with stinging nettles, while chanting to the evil over lords ( you know there’s a cartoon for that ! )…

Then I thought bullshit .. all we do is make websites rank in the top ten across all the search engines.. so, what’s so bad about that , yer we cloak, yer we rank for odd keyword combos and YES YES YES we break the SE rules but we run the risk not you !!.. anyway after hearing Danny Sullivan Sing on WebmasterRadio, I thought Damn he is GOOD, I wonder if I wrote the Lyrics he could sing it, So because I’m a so called Big Bad Spammer I just took an original song and rewrote it .. Hey Danny what do you say ??
Coughing, blues? : GU–don’t touch me there!
GU: I’m gonna tell you who we are.

Well we’re Big Time Spammers
We got golden Hammers
And we’re loved everywhere we go
(that sounds like us)

We spam about beauty
And we spam about truth
At ten million dollars a show
(yeah, right!)

We sell all kinda pills
That give us all kinda thrills
But the thrill you’ll never known
Is the thrill that it gets ya
When you get your picture
On the cover of the Doug Heil Show

Chorus:

Doug Heil Show
I’m gonna see my picture on the cover
Gonna Spam five copies for my mother
Gonna see my smiling face
On the cover of the Doug Heil Show

Now it’s all designed to blow our minds,
But our minds won’t really be blown
Like the blow that’ll getcha
When you get your picture
On the cover of the rolling stone

Spoken: hey, I know how!!!
Solo
Spoken: beautiful!

We gotta lot of little teen-aged
Blue-eyed groupies
Who do anything we say
We got a genuine indian spammer
He’s buying links the better way

We got all the friends that money can buy,
So we never have to be alone
And we keep gettin’ richer,
But we can’t get our picture
On the cover of the Doug Heil show

Talking:
I don’t know why we ain’t on the cover, baby!
Ah we’re beautiful fellas!
I ain’t kiddin’ you man, we’d make a beautiful cover
I mean, I can see it right now–we be up front,
Oh, we be smilin’….beautiful!

Ok lets get this on a roll, If I’m going to take the piss out of the Search Industry I might as well, start with ME !!

Well while out drinking with Lex, Oilman and Chad, we ended up in The Only Bar in New Orleans which had a Mechanical Bull.. Hell yer !!

Anyway I was challenged to ride the bull and drunkenly accepted. So as Lex goes to ask the dude how much for a ride, I downed my beer ( Idea being that the drunker you are the braver you are, therefore I would do amazing stunts on the bull and impress everyone !! )..
So as I approach Lex, while she is bartering the price for 3 of us ( Oilman was chicken, and Chad hadn’t quite caught up from dinner yet), The DUDE SAID and the words still ring strong in my ears, it’s 10 Bucks a go or FREE if you do it in your underwear. In a flash I was stood in my Boxer shorts, the challenge had just got much more interesting… seeming how Lex would not get naked with US .. she had to forfeit the challenge ( good friggin job too, she hung on like a monkey in heat) .. and would have easily won ..

So armed with my boxer shorts and a smile, I slowly walked to the bull. Thoughts of how I could enter the Hall of Fame, Seo’s would talk about how great DaveN rode the N.O. BULL .. Ok in my Mind I had a Plan , I had seen it on TV, Climb ON … Get your balance, one arm in the air, hold on, and give the go ahead to start your Ride of Fame. The Bull moves forward you lean back, the Bull moves back you lean forward.. After a minute you find yourself shouting yeeehaw or YahoooooOOooooo! in my case ..

Well that was the plan, what actually happened was I stumbled forward and climbed onto the Bull (actually they are big in real life), Ok I think .. then shit.. oh shit .. fuck fuck fuck .. Now the dude is asking me “you ok !!” , I squeeze my legs around the Bull, raise One arm , squeeze legs tighter and tighter, I look the dude square in the eyes and say Hell yer , ..

This is it, my 5 minutes of fame.. The Bull Slowly moves forward.. I lean back … good I Think … and then for fucks sake, The Bull dips to the right then raises it’s great plastic head, by this time (2 seconds in) .. Both my arms are wrapped around the Bulls neck, my legs are holding on so tight my toes are Blue.. Then the bull throws itself into a suicide head first drive..

I feel like I’m floating.. Then the pain of the leather rushing past my naked inner thighs and the crunch of the plastic bulls head as I crashed my nuts into it was all I could take.. Then it was over 3 maybe 4 seconds.. It took me longer to get on to my feet than I stayed on the bull. Now in pain and feeling down, the Bull Riding Dude turned to me and said … and this will stay with me even longer than the 10 bucks or naked thing…

He actually said .. “Dude, you know you have 2 go ’s” … holy shit, how lucky was that, I would get a chance to fulfil my dream of been on the Seo wall of fame, the pain disappeared (*could have been drink) I climbed onto the bull … well that’s for another DAY ..

A question that we are always trying to answer in our everyday lives in the SEO game. I will be featuring our much loved search reps as they are a key part to the industry goings on and I would love to have them bringing their views to this blog. I hope they like their Mini Me’s. For those that are not familiar with the Search reps… we have from left to right: Little Timmie, Big Paul and Wee Mattie. Not sure who the dude in the background is ..lol
hmmm, will they Love it or Hate it …. only time will tell

Ok, so in my spare time I have been playing around, and decided to take a look at the search industry from a Mini Me and even a Mini You perspective.

SE Ops will be looking at the players in the industy and the not so players. We will be bringing you the latest happenings in a light hearted comical sense, so please do not take offence to this blog…it is just for fun. For the serious stuff you can still check out the official DaveN site.

I would welcome any comments or suggestions of stories to cover but you will have to bear with me to give me a bit of time to create my team of chararcters!